Friday, April 2, 2010
I woke up from an interesting dream this morning. I dreamed that I was with a group of people and we were writing a story together. It was being recorded on paper, for some reason 14 lines per page. Someone suggested that the next thing in the story be to forgive. I didn't feel that forgiving should be written into the story at that point, without any context explaining it being there. People were talking amongst themselves, and I said something like, "In order to forgive, we need to have had someone do something that was not in our best interest, and then we need to remember that they are worthy of a place in our heart, and then we can create a space to forgive." Everyone stopped talking and started taking notes, and I woke up.
I've writtten about forgiveness before. One of the things this dream reminded me of was to take note of the quiet truth of my heart, rather than the much louder promptings of my thinking. Another thing that the dream caused me to remember is that I call people into my life in order to experience forgiving, or anything else. As with everything, even those situations where people don't have my best interest at heart, are called forth by me, to create the opportunity for me to choose how I want to show up. I could never know myself as forgiving if I'd never had a reason to forgive. I could never really know peace if I'd never known chaos. And so it goes.
I also realized that there are layers of forgiving. I can decide to forgive, and feel like I have, but then suddenly feel hurt or angry over what I thought I'd forgiven. In order to really release something, I must first look directly at it, be honest with myself about why I am being so affected by it, and feel my feelings about it. It doesn't help to avoid the very situations I've called to myself in order to grow.
I am struck often by the grace that allows us the ability to choose what expressing ourselves as God actually looks like. Over and over throughout time, we decide. Every situation is an opportunity to choose who we are, and who we want to be. We are gifts to each other in our awakening.
I came away from that dream renewed by the peace that comes from knowing that the best interest of my soul could never be thwarted. And I am again grateful for the gifts I have been given, in their many and varied packages.
May this tool be a blessing. . .