Wednesday, May 12, 2010
That we are here to grow in love has felt true to me for a good long time, but that truth came to me in a deeper way today. I hadn't talked with the God of my heart about the "Why am I here?" question in quite awhile, and was feeling like I wanted a clear sense of it, in present time. I have done many of the things I've intended to do, and was feeling the need to consider a next step. It's pretty easy for me to get caught up in "OK, what next," which is not a bad thing entirely, because it allows me to focus on things that are important to me. Sometimes, though, I think the tendency sort of clouds the big picture.
I asked God why I chose to be me, now, in my current situation, with my unique perspective and particular life experience. And God answered in my heart, with eloquence and grace, as always:
"You wanted to learn about love, in the biggest sense of the word. For loving yourself unconditionally, you sought a difficult childhood. For knowing a mother's deep and profound love, you have your children. You have created a healthy and joyful marriage. You are learning about love by loving people at those times when they are less-than-lovable, and when they are at their best. And in your life you strive to see the love of God expressing in all things. Can you see how completely you are living your life's purpose?"
As I always am when I talk with the God of my heart, I was struck. The meaning of life became simple all over again, and for that I am filled with even more gratitude (if that is possible) for being here in the middle of the countless, amazing miracles that are part of my very ordinary life.
I would love to some day remember this truth in every moment. That probably won't happen. But as I've said, I write to remember. Writing at times is like taking a photograph of a breathtakingly beautiful scene I've witnessed and then having it to hold and go back to. When I look at one of those photographs I am brought right back to the truth of the beauty that we are part of. In writing I also feel as if I hold the beauty and grace of this life in my hands.
So the big question is answered, yet again. Tonight I'll be comfortable being just where I am, in the peace where love is enough.
May this tool be a blessing. . .