Not Having to Know

What a blessing it is, not having to know. Knowing the answer to things has kept me feeling safe for a long, long time, but it’s also sustained a level of mild anxiety that became so familiar I didn’t even notice it.

For people who've grown up in chaos, feeling like we know how to conduct life in a productive and stable fashion might seem to keep the demons of childhood at bay, but it doesn't. What I’m finding is that feeling driven to maintain control of the circumstances of my life really just feeds the old fear that things are going to fall apart and become dangerous. That is, of course, not the truth of my existence as I now understand it.

Having to know how to be a good enough employee, spouse, parent, friend or any other of life’s roles is demanding and stressful. It ultimately just gets in the way of divine intelligence within taking the right and perfect step in any situation in which we find ourselves.

The chief of medicine in the clinic where I work has a poster in her office that shows a cartoon picture of a chicken looking up frantically that says, “What if Chicken Little was right?” It’s so easy to fall back into those old fears that are sure in any moment something bad might happen, so we need to stay ever-vigilant and know what to do to head it off. But we might not know exactly what “it” is.

I know that when I do not feel the need to be in control of what my future holds, what people think of me, or even how my loved ones will fare in their circumstances, a weight is lifted that I’m not even aware of carrying. I can breathe easier.

When I don’t feel pressured to always know the right thing to do or the best way to act, I can just be. And that is enough.

And so I release it all to God who lives within me, the fear, the uncertainty, the knowing, and the not-knowing. There is nothing I need to force, and I do nothing alone. Into every situation of my life all I need do is shine the light of my deepest truth, which is that through it all, God lives as me.

May you release all to the light of God within you, and may this tool be a blessing. . .