Monday, March 7, 2011
Not that I can ever really capture spiritual awareness through my words, because spirit is a state of being. As soon as I begin trying to define my experience, labeling it in the mind's way, I am holding it static. Already I am out of present time, because spirit just continues being, and creating anew.
But I continue writing, because just like with a picture of a beautiful scene in nature that I can go back and look at anytime, I am reminded of the truth of what is always there, even if I am not seeing it in any particular moment.
In my meditation this morning, I decided to acknowledge some of the things that I am grateful for. As I saw things in my mind and said thank you for each of them, I realized how long that process took. And I was only focusing on things that are happening in my life now. My gratitude list is long!
It led me to ponder how all of this could have come to pass. How, in the middle of living a very ordinary life, filled with forgetting and confusion, worries about money, misunderstandings, working and raising kids and being so busy I didn't have time to even think about tomorrow, let alone being an unlimited creator made in God's image, immensely good things came to me anyway. What is the source, and the purpose, of those gifts that seem to have come from somewhere beyond my conscious intention?
Much like the gift of the breath that keeps coming, unbidden, filling us with life even while we are completely unaware of it, unimaginably good opportunities and situations come unbidden, too.
What I realized this morning was that during all of those early years, when I was doing so much and just trying to get through my days with a little bit of grace, I somehow knew to surrender. Somehow I knew, even before I embarked on a more conscious spiritual journey, that when I bumped into something I didn’t understand or couldn’t change, I had to let it go and move on. And along with that came the awareness that things would happen in their own perfect way and time. The wonderful realization is that I can look back and see that somehow they always did!
Even when I wasn’t completely clear about what I wanted, I knew to surrender what I didn’t want, and that made room for infinite intelligence to work through me to create many things in my life that exceeded any expectations I would have had if I had held on and continued struggling.
I realized that choosing to pull my energy out of a situation when I felt stuck has served me well countless times. It gave me time to rest and regroup, while unlimited good was at work behind the scenes. I was reminded yet again that my good will always come to me no matter how stuck I get. I just have to surrender to the infinite wisdom within me.
May this tool be a blessing. . .